Struggles Lately

I have been seeing a few videos online where individuals are going back to a relaxer. It’s interesting because I wanted a relaxer ever since they existed and I knew I could have one. However, after using them for quite a while I found that the result was not ideal for me. Therefore, the argument that this is better or that is better is not one that I normally deal with. At the end of the day, it’s easier to deal with what is working for you. If your hair is extremely thick and you cannot use an afro comb for it but the relaxer makes it manageable, nobody should tell you what you should do. Sometimes I wonder though a long time back before relaxer individuals had to deal with their hair. Is it easier just to cut it short and maintain it? Is it easier to keep it longer, I guess you could say those are the challenges and struggles lately.

Postnatal issues

Since giving birth and looking after my baby, I find that I don’t have time to look after myself. I am not around family support, so I focus on the child and neglect myself. The time for self-care is just not possible for me so I have to either make sure that my baby is sleeping then I can do a few things here and there, but I find that cooking and other responsibilities are at the top of my list in the comparison to myself. However, I make sure that every little minute I get I can be working on a few things where I can. In terms of hair care, I minimize my styling so much that I can say that I have not used heat on my hair for almost one year now. I have not even utilized other methods of styling other than twists and braiding which are time savers on some days but everything has to be done in bits in pieces so I tend to find myself wearing many hats. I have a favorite brand at the moment and it’s just amazing how it has so many varieties and the silk inside them helps keep the hair moisturized. I think I can do better with hair maintenance especially when it comes to moisturizing but I always think about it on wash days. Lately, I have been thinking about doing a haircut that would make it much easier to maintain but I have not made up my mind about it.

Low maintenance

This season of my life is only here for some time, eventually, I will get that time back most likely after a few years but it’s during these moments that you have to re-evaluate and organize your time. It’s also a time to enjoy your baby and time with the family. I prep what is necessary such as food because I need to spend less time trying to get lunches and dinners done. Motherhood can be challenging at times but I try to take it one day at a time so that when I get a little overwhelmed I know it’s time for a walk or to communicate with someone else.

Routine Change

Before the baby came, I had a specific and set routine that I enjoyed, I would wake up each morning and do my prayer and meditation, then I would get some exercise before getting breakfast ready. After the baby came along, with the way he wakes up every night, I just have to figure out what is important to do in the morning. If I cannot exercise then I will have to change that to another time during the day. Until the baby is older, I will probably be walking a lot more and not doing my classes as I enjoy. I tend to wash my hair once a week but like I said I limit the times that I can work on it. The beauty of this time in life is that although it’s tough, it will pass and once they get older, they you have other challenges to face. The only thing that I don’t want to miss is the little milestones as he grows up. If you have experienced any changes in your life lately, what have to done to help you cope?

Sometimes in life, you may want to change a look because you just want to have a different appearance or there is a change in your life. You may decide to go to the hairdressers quickly and maybe the stylist that you normally get is not there. You have no choice you have booked in and you have to follow-through, then an unfortunate event takes place. Bad haircut. 

Bad haircut

You may have a big date coming up or a looking for a quick fix for an important event. Maybe your usual hairdresser is not around and you are forced to get your hair done by someone that usually does not do your hair. You describe what you want them to do and then you leave it to them assuming that they will do as you say. You may be browsing through your phone or just looking at the magazine, and then they inform you that they are done. As soon as you view it, you really don’t like it and don’t know what to say. What do you do? Well assuming that you have an afro or relaxed hair, here are a few options that could be of use to you.

1. Afro or relaxed hair

If you have an afro, then you can pat down your hair to even it all out once you spray it with water. The beauty with afro hair is that you can make it look even although that may not be the case. If your hair is relaxed, you could tie it up and probably use an accessory like a silk band to put around your head to look pretty. Although, you may have wanted to have your hair down.

2. Shorter style

If you have some time available, you could potentially get your hair cut shorter in order to make sure that your hair is cut to a good length.

3. Braids

If you have some spare time, it would probably be ideal to get your hair braided in order to make sure that it is styled well for the event.

4. Use a wig

If time is critical and you have no options left, you can always use a wig. A lace front one would be ideal as you can get some good quality nowadays. Make sure that it’s installed well on your head.

5. Cancel your date

You may not want to do this but if you don’t have an option, then maybe you can cancel your date and reshedule it so that you can work on fixing your hair is some way. Sometimes you just have to make use of the situation.

Have you had a bad haircut experience before? If you have what did you do?

It’s that time of year, not sure how to describe it this year. However just counting my blessings this year. Here is a list of 8 great afro items that you can get family members or friends this season.

Detangler brush

If you have been struggling with detangling you hair, or know friends and family that struggle with tangles. If you would like to give a great gift, then look no further. You can find this on a few platforms such as wish, amazon, ebay. It is available in many colours and would be quite suitable for any hair type, especially curly hair. It works so well and assists with the detangling process. 

T-Shirt Towel

If you have never tried this, it’s the best thing ever because when you use a t-shirt towel your hair tends to be less frizzy and does not get very dry. Preferrably get one that is 100% cotton and not any other type of material as other materials will dry out your hair.  The t-shirt towel can be found on amazon, ebay and iherb as well. 

Scrubber

If you want a new experience for your scalp and a nice clean feeling after every wash, consider getting a scrubber. If you suffer from an itchy scalp the scrubber is particulary useful after you braid your hair. It will help rejuvenate your scalp and you will have a cleaner scalp. 

Satin Cap

I will never go back to any other cap. The satin cap is ideal especially for natural hair as it can be used for various activities especially sleeping. Also it minimizes the problem of you having to deal with your scarf which normally moves when you sleep. To this day I always wonder how this happens but glad that those days are long gone. 

Puff holder

It’s always difficult to put your hair in one bun when you have naturally thick hair, without having to pull it too hard and after sometime taking it down because your head is pounding. You can always use a puff holder to keep your hair looking neat and in good condtion. It is also great to have a puff holder as it is.

Silk head band

The silk head band is the best thing ever. It minimizes hair breakage, it helps keep your hair moisturized and it feels good on your hair and skin too. If you want to change up your look, having different color silk head bands make for a variety of looks everyday if you want. 

Steam hair dyer

If you have to use treatment, a steam hair dryer is a great gift and investment for yourself as well. There are multiple benefits of using a steam hair dryer. I will probably provide more information about this next time as I have been searching for the ideal steamer especially for afro hair. There are quite a few options and it’s up to you to select the type of steam dryer you have. I currently have the portable one. It looks similar to the one below.

Seperation clips

If you don’t have seperation clips and you have afro hair, then you will have a lot of tangled hair. It’s also great when you are straightening or blow drying your hair, although I would do this once in a while. If this is something that you like, here is a clip that would work well on your hair.

As you end this year, it’s important to note that the past few years have come with various lessons. One of the things I have learnt is that it’s good to use what you have. If you are not using it, then it’s time to either give it away if it is in good condition or throw it away if you don’t require it. Is there anything on the list that you don’t have and also is there something that you would add to this list of items?

Can you live a year without heat on your hair especially when its afro 4C, extremely curly and difficult to manage. Well the answer to that will depend on the thickness of your hair, the porosity and also the surrounding individuals. This year, I managed to live most of it heat free. It has been challenging just enjoying my hair as it is in its curly state.

Strategies for afro hair

Now how did I survive you ma

y wonder? Well each time I washed my hair after a wash day, I would try to air -dry it more than using a towel because I always felt that the towel just makes the hair get more tangled. Immediately I would get my wide-toothed comb and section it off, depending on the mood of the day, I would either put in twists or massive flat twists to save time. I also found that it helped to use moisturize on my hair to avoid it from getting too dry. This would mean that if I wanted to remove the twists or flat twists after some time, the hair will not be in its original state of shrinkage.

Embrace the afro

I soon learned to embrace my afro in its most natural state, without manipulation, I would just put oil and let it dry. This took some time to get used to, I will let you know why. Firstly, I grew up with this idea that your hair cannot be in the afro state at all. If it is in that state you must do something about it. Secondly, I remember some comments I would get with my hair in this state, none of them were compliments so this really plays with your mind. Thirdly, there is this idea that we always had when we were younger that if an individual’s hair is just in its original state, then it is unkempt.

I had to acknowledge that these ideas were not right because I always wash my hair every single week. I always make sure to detangle and deep condition in order to keep my hair in good condition. Learning to just embrace my afro helped me to view these ideas as completely foreign and know that sometimes you have to love everything about you, regardless of what anyone thinks. This was a lesson for me and now when I view myself, I don’t acknowledge those negative views anymore.

Care for the afro

I came to realize how fragile and deprived my hair because it get’s dry every 3 days. I had to learn how to moisturize it often. I realized that my scalp was quite sensitive and it really needed nourishment to minimize it from getting dry. I learned how to work in maintaining it as it was and realized that moisture and my hair are friends. I have low-porosity hair, that means that most times when I use a cream or some type of butter, it will just stay on my hair and take a long time to absorb. This meant that I had to start utilizing more light oils on my scalp like jojoba and argan oil. I also started minimizing the use of coconut on my hair although my hair certainly likes it, the only problem I get is when it solidifies.

Maintenance

I came to realize that with my hair, especially before bed, I would make sure that I wrap it up before going to bed. This is something that is necessary for maintenance of afro hair. When its neglected it tends to dry and becomes a lot more brittle and difficult to manage. I would also use my little bottle that had water should I want to add moisture to it. Any individual would think that the process is cumbersome, however if you want to maintain natural hair, unless you have other products that can keep it in good condition, this is necessary.

It actually made me think about all the thinks that were done to natural hair way before products came up. Although a few years back I was always looking for the next new product. I stopped getting a lot of products after realizing how some would not get used. I am also quite particular about what I use on my hair so I stopped getting the next new thing and just worked with all the items that I had.

What do I use?

When I wash my hair, I discovered Maui, I really love it. Although it can be costly, I got it on sale.

I really like how wonderful it feels on my hair. I usually use this and most times just a shampoo that does not contain sulfates. I find with these types of shampoo’s I get fewer tangles and it also get’s well moisturized.

Once I am done I normally get my conditioner which is mostly jojoba and sometimes coconut.

I also put some oil on my scalp just to keep it from drying up, mostly shea butter. Which does not have much of a smell and does melt on the scalp.

This process takes a shorter time as before this I used to spend at least half a day on my scalp, now after I wash it its quite a quick process, I just wash and put moisturizer and I am on my way.

Deep Conditioning

I use deep conditioning at least every month, although I want to experiment with that every week to see what will happen to the hair. I think especially in summer it would work, however in winter I would probably keep it to once a month.

The deep conditioning that I use is Garner although this changed as I was only using henna conditioner.

The main thing I find with deep conditioner, is that most of them can be used as they are mostly moisturizing to the hair. The amount of time you use it on your head depends, however the longer the better. I normally make sure that I have it on my head when I know that I will not be running too many errands, although even if you are running errands, there are so many options now to used to cover your head.

The only challenge at the moment is that I certainly need a trim to make sure that my afro is in good condition.

As I reflect on this year, firstly I would like to mention that although it has been difficult, I believe that there is a lot that I have learned and one thing I have learned to embrace is my hair. The best part of the journey has been learning just to embrace it as it is.

When this year began, nobody expected it to be the way it has. When you think of 2020 it should represent perfect vision, this is the time when all you had been hoping for, would come to pass. However, what happens when plans must change and you must take another direction? It’s just like our afro hair sometimes. You want it a certain way you saw it but it just doesn’t want to act that way. This year has been a very revealing year socially, firstly hygiene has not been so spoken of like it has this year. You would think that washing hands is something that people would do, and not take for granted, however it can help in minimizing the spread of germs. But instead of focusing on all the things that have gone wrong, how about focus on all the things that have gone well.

Family

This year, I have spent more quality time with family than I have ever done at any other time in my life. It has made me appreciate them even more. Do they get annoying, yes they do but the focus should be on the quality and the little quirks that you get to discover on a daily basis

Working from home

There are those that are fortunate to work from home, that means less time commuting to the office and more time getting specific projects completed. It been a time to really assess do I really love what I do?

Less is more

Now this is one which will make more sense as I write. More individuals this year have saved more money because they are not buying unnecessary items. Additionally, some are even getting rid of some items that they have. What are you doing with those funds, are you using it to assist others or gaining some investments?

Appreciate your surrounding

During the days of the normal hustle and bustle when you only spent time sleeping in your house, you realize that you did not spend much time appreciating your surroundings. It could be a park that you never really spent much time going to, or the pictures that you took a while back when social distancing was not on your mind. It’s just appreciating the little things you may have taken for granted back in those times.

More patience

This year I can say that I have learnt patience, waiting in line and not complaining about that. Life is so fragile that a 20-min wait means nothing if you still have a privilege to be alive in this time. I am a lot more understanding of my son although now he get’s me to hurry up and not the other way round.

More focus

You can’t deny that 2020 has really got many people thinking, some about what they want to do with their life. Others, want to change their lives hastily and this year has really brought that change for individuals into perspective.

More time

I cannot forget the fact that this year has actually given me a little more time to do other things that can help me improve. Since the beginning of this year I actually decided to focus on really looking after my hair, making sure that it was well moisturized, now that I have a little more time. Less manipulation and heat. More water and a healthier diet. It had been great to have that time not to try to please others by presenting yourself often.

Discover

It has been a time of discovery, what am I really doing, working on free courses, just like I did this year. It was completely unexpected and it was something I was not really worried about. It also helped me reevaluate my goals. Is this where I want to me? Additionally, I had many other projects in mind but now I get to focus on one thing at a time.

Time to plan

This it a time to plan and prepare yourself, what are you feeding yourself with. Are you constantly on social media and watching things that don’t really improve your life? Even though this year I have had to be less social physically, I have learnt to be more intentional with my social media. I actually allot a time to view it and once that time is over, I continue to do other things. I actually also realized that I had many incomplete projects because I was constantly starting new ones without seeing one through. It has really been an eye-opener for me.

Time to get more spiritual

Now for me, prayer is extremely important in my life and when this pandemic hit, I asked myself many questions, am I ready for any future uncertainties? it got me on a moment of pure reflection and urgency to read my bible and ensure that I was actually doing what God wants me to do. I had to change quite a few things in my life and I am still working on other things.

Fitness time

I can’t emphasize this enough, but when you take time to look after your body, you will also look after your health and productivity. Do not neglect a walk on a daily basis. I have some light weights in the house that I use, every second day and it has actually been very useful. Don’t be afraid of the sweat you can always shower. When I first cut off the chemical from my hair, many years ago, I was a lot more relaxed about activities in the water. The only thing that I did not like was when say for example you have just blow-dried your hair and someone comes and says, “hey let’s go swimming” there’s nothing as bad as that and you can’t even get a swimming cap that will help you.

Helping time

Even though you make time to look after yourself, this is a great opportunity to help others. We cannot afford to look the other way when we see a brother or a sister struggle. It’s also a time to be selfless and help where you can.

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Despite the sad news what has been at least one good thing this year, it does not have to do with goal setting it could be a little thing even doing some cooking from scratch it can be anything? would love to hear from you.